Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
