Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
