look no pants
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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