Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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