I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
