I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
