I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
