It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
