piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
