Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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