But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
