I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
