Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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