Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
