oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
