So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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