What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
