My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
