Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
