At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
