she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize