I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
