You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize