hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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