I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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