There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
