Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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