Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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