the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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