cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
