Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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