I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize