Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
