I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
