We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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