yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
