At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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