I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
