found the other keg... it's in the tree
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
