Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
