ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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