dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
