I will die if light touches me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
