wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
