God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
