I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
