How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
