9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
