Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
