My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize