please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
