It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
