We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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