Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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