you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
