I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
