I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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