He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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