I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
