Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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