you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
