oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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