So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
