haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
