Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
