tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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