How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
