I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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