my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
