We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
