I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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