Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just high enough for therapy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
