i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I look better un-naked...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
