When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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