chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
