i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
