and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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