That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
